There are so many sites out there to help people lose weight, some are about counting calories, others try and tell you its a lifestyle change, some say to "eat clean" and others are all about protein.
And I am not here to argue which path a person should chose. I am here simply put to paper how I feel about myself right now at the beginning of this restart.
I have been trying to lose weight since 2004. That's 10 years of failure.
My boyfriend says I was the most attractive during my first year of college when I weighed about 130. I was practically anorexic.
So now I'm at 161. I'm sedentary. I am in school and I work. I feel like when I am not doing something related to wither of those activities I should be at the gym. I feel like I don't deserve to play video games or read or draw; that those activities area a waste of time--time that could be spent at the gym.
I don't feel attractive. Part of that is because my boyfriend said that if I gain any more weight he would not be attracted to me. At the start of our relationship he said he couldn't date someone he wasn't physically attracted to. I don't know if he remembers that conversation or not but it sits in the back of my mind.
He says 'm beautiful and sexy, but how can that be when I'm "close to being unattractive?" It seems binary to me: you are or you are not.
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